Married!

Been a little scarce lately, I know. That's cause I got married Saturday....! Now we're off to the honeymoon...pictures and other hilarity when we return!

The Worst Day Yet

So, the countdown is on. I'm halfway through my last paper. I should probably have spent more time on it, but the teacher seems to hate me anyway, so I'm not putting that much effort into it. As long as I get a passing grade (B to earn grad credit) I'm going to be happy. As my mother has pointed out to me numerous times, anyone outside the academic establishment would be impressed with my grades, even though the professors act like they're giving me an F when I get an A-. Whatever.

So I must relate the worst teaching story ever. Thursday's classes really drove home the point that the entire semester seems to be pounding into me: GET OUT OF ACADEMIA!!!!

Thursday sucked more than usual, because after teaching my last class to one of my groups of ungrateful students, one of them came up to me when class was over and spent approximately 30 minutes telling me exactly why everyone in the class hates me. Ultimately, it comes down to the fact that I'm not giving them all good grades, and that I refuse to "go to bat" for them with the Professor that is actually the instructor of record. Little wonder that I won't -- I agree with her policies and think that the student's refusal to deal with her on the subject of her grading policies is downright harassment. Mind you, this is a DIFFERENT student than the others that have been harassing me.

Even if I understand the underhanded motivations (bother the low-paid TA until she relents and gives you a higher grade) I can't help but feel hurt by some of the things this girl said to me. I'm proud of myself for standing my ground and not crying in front of her, but I have to say, I did cry when I got home, and she took the joy out of all my other last classes. All I know is that I'm finally done with this batch of students. Other than administering the exam and grading said exams, they are gone from my life forever. I'm sick of them and cannot bear the thought of ever doing anything for those students again, which goes against everything I think I should believe about student-teacher relationships.

I see now why so many high school and middle school teachers in this country get burnt out and just give up -- my kids are only one year removed from high school (sometimes less) and they have such a sense of entitlement -- they will take and take and take from you and the same time you are giving, they will criticize you for the way you do it, and how little you give them. I can honestly say I've put in about 20 hours a week for this one class this semester with grading, prep and teaching time combined, which leaves me very little for my own projects. I've spent more than $200 of my own money for our class festival, and I've never heard anything except complaining from these students. Maybe I got spoiled teaching immigrants English: At the end of every semester, the students would get me a card and sign it, and sometimes they'd even get me flowers. I understand it's a cultural thing, but perhaps instead of just dismissing it that way, I'd love to be able to understand why teachers are continually disregarded and disrespected in this country.

That was my little rant. On the positive side, I am so close to the end of this semester I can feel it. Tomorrow night at 7:30, I hope to be sitting in the Mexican restaurant near our house drinking a VERY LARGE margarita. Six more pages to write, and another exam to give and grade...and then I have at least a week's vacation to look forward to before I really start stressing about not having a job.

Proof

I finally got proof today that
a) I am not a bad teacher, despite what my students tell me all day.
b) My students are not stupid, they are just lazy.

How did I get such proof, you ask?

Last week's exam was the easiest yet, in my opinion. We keep making the tests easier and easier, because the students do worse and worse. We wondered if maybe we had bad perception of what "easy" was. I also was beginning to doubt myself as I graded D and F after D and F. But then I was vindicated, in a wonderful way. One of my international students, someone who speaks English as a foreign language (and not a Russian student who grew up with the material, but a Japanese student who has to learn Russian words in a class mostly in English) Received an almost perfect score on both sections of the test.

Why do I feel vindicated? Because he is in the class I feel the least comfortable with. I constantly worry that that particular class is not receiving my best teaching, since it happens at the end of a long day, immediately after one of my own seminar classes. I'm usually wiped out, and I worry that I don't communicate as well to them. Plus, that class, out of all of them, gives me a lot of attitude. Double Whammy. So, nothing made me feel better than to give this student, who is at a double disadvantage (and who I don't think I've ever heard speak in the classroom) the best grade in all my classes.

So there, my dear students -- it's not me, it's you -- I AM giving you the material, and in such a way that a student at a disadvantage in my classroom can understand, apprehend and remember.

It's all sparkly and shit...

Chris got the bands today for my wedding ring. This is what I'll have on my finger after the wedding. Holy crap, it's sparkly!

"I love the smell of freshly burnt students in the morning"

Conversations at our house:

Me: I'm sick of grading papers. It makes me want to burn them!

Chris: MMMM.... I love the smell of freshly burnt students in the morning.

Me: Not the students, the papers! I'm not that mean! Although....

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

Last week I hit a giant wall, one which told me the answer to the question I've been agonizing over for almost a year now. To stay or not to stay (in school). Last Monday's meeting with my thesis advisor told me that I really can't deal with it any longer. My advisor told me that it wasn't "useful" to her to be reading what I'm producing. I wanted to be sarcastic and say something to the effect of, "I'm sorry, I was under the impression that you were supposed to be helping me." However, I held my tongue. Honestly, nothing these last two years has really gone right or well for me. Seems like I'm always banging my head up against the administration or professors or otherwise being discouraged around every corner. I think perhaps this lifestyle is not for me.

Since I had my moment of clarity, though, I have felt much lighter. Of course, I'm not doing much work, which could have something to do with it -- I've been doing the absolute minimum to pass my classes. My grades are so good that anyone outside academia will be impressed when they see my 3.9 average. It's only the assholes at school that think that means I'm not smart enough. Even if i pull a few A minuses this semester, I'm not going to freak out about it.

The only fly in the ointment at this point is the last three weeks of school, and the fact that I have another thesis meeting on friday, for which I've done absolutely nothing since the last one. Honestly, I'm not motivated to work to impress someone I don't respect, or on a project that I have a whole year to complete. I am going to have a talk with her this week and just tell her that I'm not going to have time to work on it any more during the next few weeks, and that we can discuss the project again via email or again in the fall, when the deadline looms a little closer.

So, on to the frivolity:



The picture looks really bizarre, almost like an ad of some sort. However, I swear, I didn't put the cat in the microwave. Our semi-built-in microwave went haywire yesterday, and so we brought Chris' old micro down from the attic. We opened it on the counter to clean it out, and Dmitri just jumped right into it from the floor. I'm sure he thought it was some glorified box (he absolutely adores boxes!). He settled right in and we took the pictures. Don't worry -- we didn't shut it all the way, and it wasn't plugged in yet!

Tired

I am Tired.

Tired of teaching.

Tired of students.

Tired of being a student.

Tired of studying.

Tired of professors who don't know how to give positive feedback.

Tired of working so damn hard.

I can't wait for May 9.